Moriarty: Hello?
River: Ah, hello. I presume this is the star of another Steven Moffat series? Hell in a Westwood suit, shall we say? This a very intense scene involving eye-fucking and cleverness that I interrupted you from, yes?
Moriarty: Yes, of course it is. What do you want?
River: Spoilers.
Moriarty: Say that again.
River: I have spoilers for the end of your current series.
Moriarty: Say that again and know that if you are lying to me, I will find you, and I will skin you.
River: Oh? My my, your character has kinky writing. And I don’t think you’ll ever find me. Not unless your cab from the series promo is secretly a time machine.
Moriarty: WAIT.
River: No, no, Moriarty darling. My mother is the one who waits. I’m known for doing unbelievably things with handcu - hellooo? Hello?! Ugh, at least put the phone on speaker. I’ve dealt with a year and a half for this scene to finally air, too you know!
….
Moriarty: So if you have what you say you have, I will make you rich. If you don’t, I’ll make you into shoes.
River: Lovely! Back when I still had regenerations, I could have been turned into far worse things. Though, may I request high heels?